Never Grow Up

I wish I was five years old. Right now, that's really one of the things on my Top Ten list. Because when you were five, words like heartbreak and disloyalty didn't exist. People didn't try and make everything sexual and you could be yourself and not be judged. You weren't afraid of being judged. Everything was simple. The only "feelings" we had were happy, sad, mad.  Three easy ones to choose from, no horomonal mixtures of three or four, and definitely none by the names of in love, broken, betrayed, excited, anxious, annoyed, or royally P-O-ed. Frienship was a matter of who gave you more animal crackers, and boys were a concept that hardly existed.
I wanna go back and live in that world.
Because when you're a teenager, people expect you to be happy. They say "being young was so great" when in reality, between the schoolwork, and the extracurriculars, and the stress of school, you have friends who stab your back, boys who fall in love with them, teachers who drive you crazy, days you feel useless and unwanted, and times when you feel like nobody is listening, you just want to SCREAM!
Making matters worse is the fact that most people stopped using diaries at age nine or ten.
So why do adults remember their teen years with fondness? Could it be that they've simply surpressed the hormones, the puberty, the acne, the feeling fat, the mood swings, the heartbreak, the moving on and growing up and remember only the dances, the weekends, and the days you just let go? Somehow, I doubt it. Although it is unlikely that they are lying (after all, not all of being a teen is bad), perhaps life was just less complicated in their day. After all, how would our generation know? We weren't even alive.
I guess it's making that point that I wrote this blog for. Being a teenager kind of sucks. You're stuck between the blissful realm of childhood and the longed-for realm of adulthood in a sort of painful purgatory. Nobody really pays much attention to what you say and when you do scream loud enough, it's rare. It's hard to balance feelings and logic at this age. Why doesn't someone write a book about this stuff that actually helps us? Something that tells us how to ignore the girl flirting with your crush, and the stabbing pain in your stomach as you struggle through a test on your monthly?
Sometimes I wish I had never grown up. And though I know one day I'll come back, read this, and laugh at my naivety, right now it seems like these issues are the most important. Writing things down is like a scream pillow for me. It calms me down and gets me back in my right mind, so thanks for bearing with me as I reflect upon the unfairness of the teenage world.

Beautiful

I'm in a sort of support the world's suicidal today, soo... let's talk about beautiful people. I'm beautiful. You're beautiful. The girl crying is beautiful. The one sweating on the volleyball court is beautiful. The one playing the violin is beautiful. The one reading is beautiful. The one with the bruises on her face is beautiful. The stick-thin one who used to weigh 100 pounds is beautiful. The tough girl, the girly girl, the musician, the reader, the teacher, the artist, the animal lover, the sport girl, the smart girl, they're all beautiful. Every boy is beautiful, too. Fat is beautiful, thin is beautiful. Blonde is beautiful. Brunette is beautiful. Black is beautiful, Asian is beautiful, Hispanic is beautiful, caucasian is beautiful.
And I guess I'm getting a bit preachy but I just feel like nobody believes that anymore. We set standards for ourselves that are impossible to live up to. People get hurt and they lose faith in themselves. It takes a very confident teenager to believe she is beautiful all the time. People judge. It's just the way the world is. They never tell you what is good about you, they tell you what you need to change about yourself. And sometimes it takes a serious kick in the face to see your value. I don't believe I'm beautiful on the outside, not at all. But I do believe that I'm beautiful inside. I think, I feel, I create, I do, and I am. I am human. I admit that without pride, because we all are human. We all have flaws. It just takes a special select set of people to see past your flaws, outer and inner, and see everything good about you. Nobody bothers to do that anymore, and that's why girls don't feel beautiful. Boys go for the skinny, made up, fake girls because they're easier. They're pretty. But you don't need to be like that to be beautiful. Honestly, being beautiful is being real. So now that you feel confident, go outside, look at life, and realize how beautiful you are."Oh, I fake it oh so well, that nobody can tell what I mean and why my words are less than parallel with my feet." Don't fake it. Be real.

Song of the Week: Daydreams, Breanne Duren

Now, all the other songs I've heard by this Owl City-esque singer, I've found only "meh". But this one was really good-- cute, lighthearted, and happy, the sort of song you would dream to. It's basically about a girl falling in love with a guy, and how he's in her daydreams, hence the title. I really like it, just because it's kind of a Hakuna-Matata song-- no worries, no heartbreak, like in a lot of songs. It's just really great to listen to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dH-seJiDRRU